A student sent an email. Word spread. And suddenly we had a goodbye dinner that turned into one of the most meaningful nights of our entire time in Korea.

Two weeks ago when we made the decision to head back to America a bit early, we really didn’t even begin to think about the goodbyes (or as a friend reminded me…until next time’s)

A student of mine, Christopher (middle row, suit, far right) emailed me and said that we must go out for dinner. So, word spread and before we knew it, a meal was planned.

We all met for Sumguypsal and Kimchi and of course Soju and Beer for everyone but me  (prego), Christopher (doesn’t drink and Luke (business trip to China in the morning).

There was so much happiness surrounding us and the feeling of friendship was something extremely hard to explain. I told everyone that it is sad that we had to wait until I left to all spend such a fun time together. I don’t know why we didn’t all meet and do this earlier in our time here in Korea.

It is amazing the impact that we all have on one another when we don’t even realize it. You all have meant so much to me. Thank you for such a great time.

And, a very special note to our favorite Korean couple who have graciously adopted us since the first night we arrived in Busan. After many many tears between us, we were able to express our love and just how special we have been to each other. We will never forget the two of you (and Grandma in the kitchen). We hope one day we will see you in America. You will forever be in our memories and hearts.

Q: What is it like saying goodbye to friends when leaving South Korea? A: A friend wisely reminded us they are not goodbyes — they are until next times. That reframe helped more than we expected. The dinner our student Christopher organized brought together colleagues students and friends around a table of samgyeopsal kimchi soju and beer and the warmth in that room was something we will carry forever. We told everyone it was sad that it took leaving to finally bring us all together like that.

Q: How do expats build genuine friendships while living in South Korea? A: Slowly and then all at once. The connections form through shared meals late night conversations navigating an unfamiliar culture together and the particular intimacy that comes from all being a little bit lost in the same place at the same time. You do not always realize how deep the friendships have grown until you are sitting at a goodbye dinner looking around the table.

Q: What Korean foods are typically eaten at a farewell dinner? A: Samgyeopsal — Korean BBQ pork belly cooked at the table — is one of the most celebratory and communal meals in Korean food culture. Paired with kimchi soju and beer it is the meal Koreans reach for when something important is being marked. There is something about cooking together at the table that creates exactly the right atmosphere for both celebration and heartfelt conversation.

Q: How do you maintain friendships made while living abroad after you leave? A: With intention and the acceptance that the friendship will look different across time zones than it did across a dinner table. The people who matter find their way back into your life — sometimes through messages sometimes through visits and sometimes simply through the permanent place they occupy in your memory and your heart. Our Korean friends fall into all three categories.

Q: What is the hardest part of the expat lifestyle? A: The goodbyes. Every chapter of this life has been extraordinary and every ending has cost something real. The people you meet abroad become family in a compressed and intense way that is unlike almost any other human experience. Leaving them — even temporarily — is the price of a life lived this fully and we pay it every time knowing it is worth it.