What Nobody Tells You Before You Go: 10 Countries, No Filter

Nicole writes the guides. I read them, nod, then go stand somewhere I probably shouldn’t and notice the thing nobody put in the brochure. Ten countries, ten things nobody tells you, no dressing it up.

Japan: the quiet gets you before the crowds do

Everyone warns you about the crowds in Kyoto. Nobody warns you a subway car full of people rides in total silence, and you will cough once and feel like you knocked something over. By day three you’ll start judging every other country for how loud it is. Also the cars. Models Honda and Toyota make for Japan and nowhere else. It’s like seeing a celebrity you didn’t know existed on every corner.

South Korea: spicy is not a warning label, it’s a lifestyle

Nobody tells you that “mild” on a Korean menu is a dare, not a description. We lived in Gwangju long enough to build up a tolerance and I still sweated through meals. What they also don’t tell you: the convenience stores are better than most sit down restaurants back home, and you will text home about a gas station snack unironically.

Norway: the sun does not know when to quit

Nobody mentions that summer nights don’t really happen. You’ll be putting kids to bed at what feels like 4pm because the sun refuses to acknowledge that 10pm is a reasonable time to leave. Also nobody tells you groceries will make you audibly gasp at checkout. Beautiful country. Expensive receipt.

Italy: the beautiful thing is also the crowded thing

Nobody tells you the famous view and the famous line are the same line. Venice at 11am is a sea of people who all had the same idea you did. Show up before 9 or after 6 and it’s a different, quieter city. Also gelato is not dessert there, it’s a food group, and nobody will judge you for having it twice in one afternoon. We didn’t.

France: the bakery closes exactly when you need it most

Nobody warns you that most small shops close for a couple hours in the afternoon, right when you’re hungry and directionless with three kids. Plan around it or become a very hangry family, like we did once outside Nice. Also, socca, a chickpea flatbread from Nice, will ruin regular pancakes for you a little.

Denmark: everyone bikes, everyone, in every kind of weather

Nobody tells you that as a pedestrian you are the obstacle in Copenhagen, not the cars. Bike lanes are their own highway system with their own rules, and you will get quietly side eyed by a Dane on a cargo bike carrying more children than seems structurally possible. Also Legoland is worth it even if your kids think they’re too old, mine did, they weren’t.

Croatia: the water is a different color and it’s not a filter

Nobody tells you the beaches are rocky, not sandy, and you’ll want water shoes whether you admit it or not. Nobody tells you Zagreb is a real, walkable city and not just the boat launch point everyone treats it as either. And the Adriatic really is that blue in person. We kept checking our phones for filters that weren’t there.

Czechia: the border has opinions about your sticker

Nobody tells you that driving in requires a highway vignette sticker, bought in advance, and that there’s a fine and a very patient police officer waiting for the family that didn’t know that. We know because we were that family. Prague itself is gorgeous and also filthy in patches nobody photographs. Both are true at once.

Laos: nobody is in a hurry and eventually neither are you

Nobody tells you Laos runs on a completely different clock, one where the guy fixing your tube apparently needed a nap first and nobody thought that was strange. There’s something to be said for a place that lets its workers catch up on sleep while on the job. Also, watch the monks’ morning alms round from a balcony, not the street. You’ll understand why once you’re there.

Cambodia: the kids will remember this one differently than you do

Nobody tells you the temples at Angkor will impress the adults and the tree roots swallowing the walls at Ta Prohm will be what the kids actually talk about for years. Also bring more small bills than you think you need. You’ll want them constantly and nobody has change for a big one, ever.

That’s ten. There’s more where that came from, obviously, but Nicole says keep it readable. -Adam