Today I read again about the sad statistic that 1 in 7 women want kids after marriage here in Korea. I find this so sad since every time I see one of these little munchkins I think about how I possibly can get away with snatching one and getting them on a plane with the proper paperwork without being arrested for life.
Anyway…the article talks mostly about the lack of freedom, extra responsibilities, career blockers and cost that comes along with having a kid here. Although I can somewhat understand some of these “issues” I really truly don’t see the correlation at all with the happiness a little cute Korean baby brings to your lives…I don’t even speak the language too well and yet want to hug, kiss and go goo goo over every one.
I think to all the worries I have read about Korean society, about the older population getting older and the younger one becoming non existent, the governments effort to increase baby making to save the Korean culture. Who knows what will happen as time goes on.
I currently see our generation here working their butts off and not enjoying much of anything, I see the high schoolers so engrossed in love and the middle schoolers and elementary students studying like robots..unable to run correctly or shoot a ball. Then, I see the great-grandparents generation still selling their veggies, cleaning the streets and working so hard, the grandparents generation hiking every weekend and the parents generation working from 8 am until 9 at night not even seeing their kids.
Regardless, Adam has to stop me from gwaking at all the little ones, whats wrong with the women here who don’t want to have these beautiful children?
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That you will not do it perfectly and that is not the goal. That kids remember how they felt more than what they were given. That the hard seasons pass. And that showing up consistently matters more than any individual parenting decision you agonize over.
Imperfectly and continuously. The balance shifts rather than stays fixed. Some seasons are work-heavy, some are kid-heavy. The goal is not equal distribution but intentionality about where attention goes and honesty about when the current distribution is not working.
Talk to your kids honestly and earlier than feels comfortable. They handle truth better than they handle sensing that something is happening but not knowing what. Ask for their input even on decisions that are ultimately yours.
Better than most parents expect, especially when the adults around them are honest and stable. Kids take emotional cues from their parents. If the adults are anxious and secretive, kids become anxious. If the adults are clear and calm, kids adjust.
That each child is entirely different and what worked for one will not reliably work for another. That the early years are harder and faster than anyone tells you. That the goal of parenting is to gradually work yourself out of a job.
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