Oh you guys, we have had some emotional days in the Damiano house. Avilene has realized we are not heading home for the school year. She took it like a champ though and was very thoughtful in her answer to us. She is worried about homeschool and sad about missing certain things at school, like the 5th grade farewell. Most importantly she is worried about her friends being sad and missing her.
I explained to her that it may be hard to understand but my closest friends are the ones that live far away. We talked about Jenifer in California, Aimee in England, Stine in Norway, Kaisa in Oregon, and now my friends I have said goodbye for now to in Kansas. But the good news is, it is so easy to call and text and to video chat. I told her how we can start sending post cards from the places we go. But that they will be so excited to hear about her adventures.
I tried to help her focus on just today and what is up next for us in our days and adventures. We have no idea what will come and have to just enjoy what we have. I know it is hard for kids to understand the decisions we make sometimes as parents.
I can’t remember my parents ever asking my opinion of what big decisions they made for us in our lives – moving across town, going to three middle schools etc. I don’t recall my input truly having any effect on my parents decisions as we were growing up. I think now we do spend so much time trying to rationalize and help our kids understand our decisions. I think our kids have forgotten just what the difference is sometimes between adults and kids and how sometimes we just make these decisions and they really don’t warrent an explination… and when we do explain, it isn’t up for negotiation – it is more of just that – an explination.
Gavin is having growing pains of his own. His are always hardest for Adam and I, I think anyway. He is so factual and works things through in his own head. He is so good at explaining his feelings but has a hard time absorbing anything beyond his interest and his own direction.
He wants more space and we are trying to give it to him, but we have reversed our life in a way. We want the kids to wake up at normal times and get out of the house right away. Since we do not start work untli 3ish, we have all day to just be together. Then, when we start work, we want them to do things together- still off of the electronics… then, after dinner they can go their own direction. We have also been doing a crappy job of getting everyone to bed at a decent time since it is sunny out until almost 11pm… we are all wide awake and just existing I guess. We have been trying to keep electronics away for most of the day… but once we start work, both Adam and I are on our computers so it is hard to say do as I say, not as I do when in reality they have also already spent their entire day off their screens with us.
He is at an age where he doesn’t want his siblings parenting him or telling him what to do. He also doesn’t see the value or amazingness that is each of them and their interests… for instance – how can Avilene watch all those tiktok artists and dancers and find enjoyment. She is wasting her brain and life by just being entertained by garbage – his words not mine. While I can somewhat agree about wasting brain cells – she is an artsy creative girl. She learns how to do different art pieces and will use those skills. She sings and dances and just uses the other side of her brain than him. Jake watches pilots and architecture and fun facts. He laughs and finds so much humor in things.
Adam and I sat down with Gavin last night and tried so hard to explain to him that the value of mankind and the billions of people on this earth is that each person has their own interests and contributes differently. All of these different thoughts and brains and enjoyment and entertainment are what makes the world better. How boring, stale and collapsible the world would be if we all throught the same. Nothing would ever improve or change. We explained that our siblings, all raised in the same houses are so extremely different. We explained how even if we don’t or didn’t want to support or enjoy some of the things our friends or family did or do, if it is what makes them happy then we should encourage it. We need to love each other for who they are.
It seems so simple, doesn’t it?
Yet it can be so difficult. We explained how even in our adult years we still face this. We do have to “check” ourselves when thoughts or judgement comes out.
I’m not sure if we got anywhere with this conversation or when it may surface again, but what more can we do?
Family and human dynamics are just so complicated and layered and selfish and selfless… its a lot to navigate for anyone.
And the most emotional part for me, is last night looking at Gavin standing there upset and talking to us, I just kept looking at him. He is so tall, his face is so grown up. His features are just so handsome. Even his hands, his little baby hands are gone. I know he is only 13, or already 13 – but I see glimpses of the man he is becoming and I am just not ready for it. (as I tear up typing this)
It once again solidly supports one of the main reasons Adam and I made the decision to jump into this crazy overseas adventure… to learn, grow and make this limited time together as meaningful as we can.
Q: How do kids handle long-term family travel emotionally? Every kid is different. Some take it harder than others. In our house Avilene processed it thoughtfully and Gavin works through things in his own factual way. What helps most is not pretending it is easy. Letting them have the feelings. And then redirecting to what is right in front of us today.
Q: What do you say to kids who miss their friends when traveling long-term? We talked about the fact that my closest friends are the ones who live far away. Jenifer in California. Aimee in England. Stine in Norway. Distance does not end real friendships. Postcards help. Video calls help. Knowing their adventures will be worth telling is the biggest thing.
Q: How do you handle screen time when both parents work remotely? This one is hard. We want the kids off screens all day when we are all together. Then we start work at 3pm and we are both on computers. It is hard to say do as I say and not as I do. We are figuring it out. We do not have a perfect answer.
Q: Is long-term family travel worth it when the kids are struggling? Yes. That is the short answer. The harder days are part of why we came. We wanted this limited time together to mean something. The growing pains, the conversations, the moments where we have to actually talk to each other — that is the point.
Q: How do you help siblings appreciate each other when they have different interests? We sat down with Gavin and talked about the value of different kinds of minds. Jake watches pilots and architecture. Avilene learns art from TikTok and dances and creates. Gavin thinks in systems. The world needs all of it. How boring and stale it would be if we all thought the same.
More Like This
That you will not do it perfectly and that is not the goal. That kids remember how they felt more than what they were given. That the hard seasons pass. And that showing up consistently matters more than any individual parenting decision you agonize over.
Imperfectly and continuously. The balance shifts rather than stays fixed. Some seasons are work-heavy, some are kid-heavy. The goal is not equal distribution but intentionality about where attention goes and honesty about when the current distribution is not working.
Talk to your kids honestly and earlier than feels comfortable. They handle truth better than they handle sensing that something is happening but not knowing what. Ask for their input even on decisions that are ultimately yours.
Better than most parents expect, especially when the adults around them are honest and stable. Kids take emotional cues from their parents. If the adults are anxious and secretive, kids become anxious. If the adults are clear and calm, kids adjust.
That each child is entirely different and what worked for one will not reliably work for another. That the early years are harder and faster than anyone tells you. That the goal of parenting is to gradually work yourself out of a job.
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